Once upon a time there lived a very handsome bear, who lived with his loving bear girlfriend, who fed him honey all day long. The two bears lived in a den full of cushions, overlooking a leafy rainforest.
One day, the lady bear went out to pick some berries so she could make all manner of tasty baked goods, such as pies and cupcakes. She took her basket and was gone for about one hour, selecting the juiciest, purplest berries she could find.
While the lady bear was out, the handsome bear stayed at home and did other important things. He had little to no inkling of the tragedy that would soon befall him. Unbeknownst to him, a scorpion slid into the den, through the crack under the door, and stealthily made its way to the bear's foot.
When the lady bear was back from her berry-gathering expedition, she found the den empty! Her handsome bear was nowhere to be seen. She stored the berries in their refrigerator and set off to look for him, for although they had only been separated for a short while, she already missed him dearly.
The lady bear noticed how a path in the forest showed signs of a struggle, such as claw marks in tree trunks, and broken branches and the like. She followed this path until she came to the lair of the scorpion.
The scorpion hissed (or rattled, or whatever sound scorpions make) at the lady bear, and said "I bit the handsome bear, he is mine now!" But the lady bear would obviously not have any of this, and since she was considerably larger than the scorpion, she simply lifted her foot up and squashed the scorpion. It helped that she had been wearing sensible shoes with thick soles.
One the way home from the scorpion's lair, the two bears came across a dying dog. The lady bear told her handsome bear partner of how she had seen an episode of Bear Grylls, and learnt that if you had sustained a scorpion sting, you only had to insert the stung limb into the stomach of a dying dog, so the stomach acids could neutralise the harmful alkilinity in the scorpion venom.
The handsome bear did as the lady bear suggested, for he knew she was always right about such things, even if she had initially not recognised the scorpion in the first place as she had a slightly misguided belief in how scorpions looked. (She had assumed the scorpion would have a pincer on it's tail, which is an understandable enough error to make.)
Once the handsome bear had been relieved of the burdensome scorpion venom, the two bears headed home, arm in arm. The handsome bear expressed much admiration for how the lady bear squashed the scorpion so efficiently.
When they arrived home, the lady bear baked all the berries she had collected into tasty desserts. She baked a batch of blueberry cupcakes, a blueberry pie, and a blueberry cheesecake, and served these tasty deserts with lots of custard and cream.
The handsome bear partook in these delicacies heartily, and then took a nap. He awoke from the nap an hour later, in a happy mood.
