Bedtime Story #5

Once upon a time there lived a large pink rabbit. He was called George Michael, though was in no way affiliated with the Wham! singer or the Arrested Development character.

He was the single father of six baby rabbits, as his wife had been involved in a rather unfortunate incident shortly after the birth of their litter. She had been stealing radishes from a farm, when the farmer had caught her and cooked her in a delicious pie with fluffy pastry and creamy red wine sauce.

George Michael didn't have many employable skills at all, and found it very difficult to single-handedly support his large family. He spent quite some time working in a menial and unfulfilling day job before applying for a casual job at a luxury hotel as a parking valet.

This hotel attracted the very richest patrons, all of whom drove expensive cars loaded with the latest technology and gadgets. He discovered that it was very easy to steal the gadgets (e.g. CDs, stereo systems, iPods, TomToms, those in-car DVD player things, expensive cashmere steering wheel covers, leather seat covers, floor mats... anything!) and then sell them on eBay.

Whenever the distressed holidaymakers discovered their possessions had been stolen they lodged complaints against the valet with the hotel, however there was never any evidence to substantiate their claims (besides evidence of the circumstantial variety). Because he was never caught out, he didn't have a criminal record.

In this way, George Michael the pink rabbit was able to make a lot of money with which to support his six little pink rabbit babies. He sent all six rabbits to college. One of the rabbits grew up to be a successful criminal lawyer, another one became a pediatrician, another became a marketing executive, another became an orthodontist, one became a small business owner, and another became a full-time stay-at-home father to eight baby rabbits.

Now that all his offspring had embarked on successful careers and life partnerships, George Michael decided to retire. He signed himself up for a rabbit retirement village, unaware that the village was actually the soft toy section of a department store.

One day, a dashing young man walked into the store and bought George Michael as an Easter present for his special lady friend. George Michael started a new life living with the young lady, and continued his thieving ways, as he had developed something akin to kleptomania. He lived happily ever after and maintains a 100% rating on eBay. The end.