A rant on bus etiquette

My main modes of transport are bus and boyfriend-taxi, since I live a 50 minute walk away from the nearest train station, and don't own a car.

Apart from the occasional trip with the boyfriend-taxi, I catch the bus to and from work, uni, the city, and my nearest shopping mall. That's four different locations, serviced by three different bus routes, available from two different bus stops near my house - gosh this sounds like The 12 Days of Christmas! I should have ended with "and one garish but very visible shade of lemon yellow" (in reference to the colour of the buses, if you didn't get that!).

On most long bus rides, I am that person who leans my head against the window and promptly falls asleep, often with my mouth hanging open. But other than being vaguely unpleasant and embarrassing to look at (and I don't think people have the duty to be good-looking while catching a bus!) I try to not interfere with the comfort of other bus riders.

For example, when I catch the bus, my teeth are brushed and I do not breathe my stinky breath over the poor passenger sitting in front of me. Some balding man sat behind me the other day, sighed, and I was instantly assaulted by a gust of stale, smelly air! I thought I would be able to tolerate this (even though this man seemed to sigh unnaturally frequently)... until a few bus stops later, when his friend got on the bus, sat next to him, and they promptly engaged in a conversation that lasted the entire trip. Every time this guy spoke, the same stale, smelly breath wafted over to my seat. By this time the bus had filled up and it was impossible to move seats.

The following day, this balding man took the seat directly in front of me! Stemming from the belief that his breath could travel backwards as well (since the bus moves forwards), I quickly changed seats before his friend came on and while empty seats were still available.

Secondly... when I catch the bus, I put my bag(s) on my lap or by my feet on the floor, if it's a peak-hour bus that I know will fill up! (If it's the midday bus that only ever fills up a third of the way, if that, then I'm a bit more lax.) And believe me, I catch enough buses, at different times of the day, on different routes, to be able to figure out these patterns.

The only thing worse than putting your bag on the seat next to you on a peak hour bus that will fill up... is putting your bag on the seat next to someone else! This morning, while I sat on the bus with my bag in my lap and an empty seat next to me, some man sat in the row behind me and plopped his backpack on the seat next to me (the seat in front of him). I felt like turning around and giving him a greasy but decided against it, since I'd have to be on the same bus as him for another hour.

I just kept quiet and thought to myself "great, now people are going to get on the bus and think I'm some inconsiderate fool who takes up seats that are meant for humans, with inanimate objects, like bags!" Never mind that I was on my way to work and therefore in business attire, so it would have been very incongruous for the grotty backpack next to me to actually belong to me. But sometimes people don't notice small details the way I do.

Anyway I can really only think of two rude things that I would never do on a bus, whereas I can think of three rude things that I routinely do on buses, so perhaps I am in actual fact, the rude passenger! The annoying/obnoxious things I sometimes engage in include:

• Carrying on a loud conversation with the person next to me (if they happen to be a friend or acquaintance)
• Engaging in public displays of affection with the person next to me (back in the day where David worked in the same area as I did, and we caught the bus in to work together)
• Carrying on a loud conversation on the phone, in an Asian accent (if I'm speaking to my parents)

So, in a shocking twist my rant on bus etiquette has ended with the revelation that *I* am the quintessential annoying bus passenger! (Maybe M. Night Shayamalan will adapt this blog post for his latest movie?)

Hmm... I would hereby like to issue an apology to any fellow bus riders I have been annoying to, especially that nice Indian lady who always smiles at me at the bus stop. But this apology does not extend to Smelly-Breath-Man or Grotty-Backpack-Man! You have felt my virtual wrath!

Peace out everybody!